Verily, I say unto thee, follow my fuckin' blog, lest a plague of frogs rain down upon thy head. Custom cabinets may take longer.
Tomorrow, let’s just see how many people on Tumblr think they’re so fucking original and clever to make the tired “Wake-Up-Green-Day-Because-September-Has-Ended” joke. Seriously. If that’s all you’ve got, then shut your Tumblr down.
I love all of my children equally. I just like some of them more than the others.
I was tagged by love-secrets-whispers and rules are rules…
1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks (and please feel free to ask) - and believe me, the temptation to explain some things will be overwhelming, nothing is exactly as it seems *Yes there are extenuating circumstances.
Now here’s what you’re supposed to do… Re-blog or copy and paste, delete my answers, type in your answers.
Been arrested? No
Kissed someone you didn’t like? Yes
Slept in until 5pm? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Been suspended from school? No
Experienced love at first sight? Yes
Totaled your car in an accident? Yes
Been fired from a job? Yes
Fired somebody? No
Sang karaoke? Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? Yes
Had a close brush with death? No
Seen someone die? Yes
Played spin-the-bottle? Yes
Smoked a cigar? Yes
Sat on a rooftop? Yes
Smuggled something into another country? No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes
Broken a bone? Yes
Eaten a bug? Yes
Sleep walked? No
Walked on a moonlit beach? No
Rode a motorcycle? Yes
Dumped someone? Yes
Lied to avoid a ticket? Yes
Ridden in a helicopter? No
Shaved your head? Yes
Made your boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes
Eaten snake? Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Yes
Puked on an amusement ride? No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? Yes
Been in a band? Yes
Been on TV? Yes
Shot a gun? Yes
Skinny dipped? Yes
Gave someone stitches? No
Ridden a surfboard? No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? Yes
Had surgery? Yes
Taken by ambulance to hospital? No
Passed out when not drinking? No
Peed behind a bush? Yes
Donated blood? Yes
Grabbed electric fence? No
Eaten alligator meat? Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? No
Peed your pants in public? No
Snuck into a movie without paying? Yes
Written graffiti? Yes
Still love someone you shouldn’t? Yes
Been in handcuffs? Yes
Believe in love? Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes
I’m going to do the universal tag. Anyone who wants to join in, feel free to do so.
I’m incredibly bored at work today. Bored, bored, bored. Did I mention I’m bored?
Anyone want to fill up my askhole with questions?
Due to a miscalculation on my part regarding my laundry, Jeebus is going commando today.
The good? I like the feeling. A lot.
The bad? I’m constantly on edge that something is going to get caught when I have to zip up.
The ugly? I had Popeye’s last night for dinner, and I’m suppressing the poop I need to take, in case it’s messy and I have to do a “ten-wiper” (you all know what I’m talking about).
I guess I should have called this TMI Tuesday. But everything I’m saying is the truth.
You’re wonderful. Thank you for this. And congratulations are in order regarding young Fozzie. But I digress.
That depends. How much tongue is involved?
I like tongue kissing. If I have to slip it to one of them, I’d choose the bear. For some reason I think she would be more receptive to a little French kiss action than the crocodile. Plus, really, there’s the whole jaw-snapping, tons-o’-teeth thing going on with the crocodile.
Plus, if the bear starts to get mad, I can just play dead. Although who came up with that idea, anyway? Probably the bears. I can see that conversation: “Okay, here’s what we tell them. Play dead, cover yourself in honey, lay on a big plate and don’t run away from us…I mean…THE BEARS.” And really, now I have to rely on my acting skills? I don’t think the bear is going to appreciate the role of the dead guy if she’s hungry.
I wouldn’t ever encounter a bear because I don’t go camping. If being outside is so great, how come all of the bugs are trying to get into my house? I have no desire to be covered in mosquitoes and have to crap standing up. You know why I never went camping as a kid? Because my parents loved me. And what the hell does “happy camper” mean, anyway? The happy camper is the one leaving the campsite and going home to take a real shower.
No, you’re the one getting off track here.
What was the question again?
I’m not able to watch the show until Wednesday night. This makes it hard not to fall victim to the “spoilers” between Tuesday and when I’m able to watch. It’s especially difficult with having a Tumblr and all.
We have a group of five of us that meet in my office at work every Thursday morning to deconstruct the episode and talk about what’s going to happen next. We call it our own “church”. Anyone who’s seen an episode of the show knows what I’m talking about.
I won’t spoil anything. I’m just glad “church” is back in session. On the show and in my office.
Jeebus is especially grouchy today. Just call me Baron Grumpy von Grouchenheimer.
This is the kind of mood when I let the plagues and the pestilence out. So look out for falling locusts.
I’m just sayin’.
I’m doubly flattered when I get a second message saying I’m a favorite. I’ve sent this to 10 followers already, but I’m happy to try to find five more nice things to say about myself: