1. It’s been…a week. That’s all I can say about that. But without further ado:

    1. My coworker had a dream Wednesday night that her house was being broken into. Last night, her house was broken into. I’m kind of creeped the fuck out by this. 
    2. I haven’t had a good poop in a few days now. 
    3. My downstairs neighbor considers considers himself the next Les Paul. He cranks jazz (which I’m okay with) and then tries to jam along with it (which I’m not okay with). He’s mediocre at best.
    4. Some people here really know how to make a bad day better for me. 
    5. Sometimes, trying to be funny all of the time ends up backfiring. You say something you think is funny, but all you do is end up crossing a line, causing real hurt. That’s when funny isn’t funny anymore. 
  2. I’m in a fucking mood. This day has gone from “off” to “anger-inducing”.

    I have a list of people that need smiting today. If you have anyone that needs to be added to the list, just let me know. I’m really in a smiting mood. 

  3. Have you had one of those days where something just feels…off…and you can’t quite put you finger on what it is?

    Welcome to my Wednesday. 

  4. Last night Jeebus had a marathon masturbation session. I was able to hold out for quite a long time. Some of y’all should have been there to see it. 

    Then again, if the people I’m thinking of were actually there, I wouldn’t have had a need to beat on my junk like it owed me money, amirite?

    1. No matter how old I get, I’m still going to read the stupid riddles on the outside of the Laffy Taffy wrappers.
    2. A coworker regularly puts those pop-up room deodorizers in my office when I’ve stepped out for some reason. I’m talking like once a month. I must really smell bad. 
    3. I was told I have a voice made for phone sex. I guess I could have a second career. So ladies, just dial 1-900-F-JEEBUS if you want to confess your sins and get off in the same call.
    4. I feel a twinge of sorrow when I see so many wonderfully-taken SST pictures that end up being deleted by the ones posting them. 
    5. I need to do the “horizontal hucklebuck”. Badly. 
  5. jesus-everywhere:

Jesus On The Titanic

I’m literally the King of the world!


    Jesus On The Titanic

    I’m literally the King of the world!

    Reblogged from: jesus-everywhere
  6. I feel violated…in the best way possible. 

    I feel violated…in the best way possible. 

  7. I can be quite the narcissist. 

    I can be quite the narcissist. 

    Reblogged from: walelawho
  8. One of the people I supervise at work had the nerve, right after I agreed to let her come in early and leave early on Thursday, to tell me that the emails I send are “nasty” in tone. Apparently she equates “professional” with “nasty”. 

    Just because I don’t use slang or colloquialisms in my emails means I’m an asshole (I mean, I am an asshole in general, but not in my emails). Just because I’m formal and rarely even use contractions must mean that I’m harsh and downright mean. Just because I’m direct and to the point, I’m difficult and demanding. 

    This is what started off my morning. Now I’m irritated and annoyed.

    Maybe I’ll send out a nasty email about it. 

  9. ceehu:


Yesterday at Pride in Chicago.

the cop smiling at him though haha



    Yesterday at Pride in Chicago.

    the cop smiling at him though haha

    Reblogged from: blondeandpolishohmy
  10. Well, duh…of course!

    Well, duh…of course!

    Reblogged from: inaneness
  11. Happy Canada Day, hosers!

    Happy Canada Day, hosers!

  12. I awoke this morning feeling sore everywhere. I mean everywhere. As the day has progressed, I’m feeling worse and worse. Add feeling flushed and the chills to the soreness, and there’s only one conclusion. 

    Rabies Summer flu. 

    Anyone wanna make out?

    • I slept for about 3 hours last night. I don’t know why I couldn’t fall asleep or stay asleep. So even the ritual morning caffeine infusion isn’t working.
    • I’m completely swamped with work. Yet here I am, farting around on Tumblr. I’m addicted. 
    • I think I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. I feel like I have “yuck mouth”, but I just can’t remember whether I brushed or not. 
    • A co-worker is eating sunflower seeds with hot sauce poured on them. This is the same co-worker that sucks only the outer coating off of an entire bag of Lemonheads every day, leaving the little white balls on a plate.
    • I said “white balls”.
    • My boss showed me one of the most offensive (and funniest) non-sexual pictures I’ve seen in a long time. I wish I could post it here, but Tumblr would probably shut me down. 
  13. conflictedyetcomfortable:

    Spoiler alert- my story is X rated. Opinions and/or Reblogs are always welcomed. Enjoy!

    The excitement of this photo session had been building for some time. Mister had been sending me random photos, showing me his sexy ideas, and I couldn’t wait to get started.
    While waiting in the lobby for her, I calmed my nerves with a couple of vodka cranberries. Let’s face it, although I was excited, I was also very nervous, as this would be my first shared photo session.

    As she walked into the bar, our eyes were immediately drawn to her: her dark, silky hair, her radiant smile as she approached us, her perfectly round natural breasts hidden beneath a sheer see-through blouse, with nipples standing tall, seeming to seek out attention.

    He and I smiled at each other with approval, happy that we had decided to let someone else into our protected world.
    She hugged him, and I immediately noticed his cock harden as she rubbed her mound against him, and leaned her erect nipples into his chest.
    The turn on shocked me, and I knew right then, that I wanted to see more than just this.
    She turned to offer me the same, whispering,”I can’t wait to suck your husband’s cock,” as she reached down and wrapped her hands around my ass and squeezed tightly. Suddenly, my clit swelled, tingled, and began to drown in my own wetness. Could this really be happening?

    We hurried upstairs, eager to begin our session, and who knew now, what else was in store. We entered the room and took in the night view of the city by the bay. As I walked toward the window to get a better look, I felt her hands reach around me and grasp my pierced nipples, as she leaned into my ear and said,”Let’s get started.” It was obvious the photo session would have to wait.

    She took my hand and guided me to my mister.
    She pushed me onto my knees and said,”Show me how he likes it.” Then she unzipped his pants, reached in and gently gripped him, and brought him to my lips.

    I went right to work, sucking, licking, and massaging him to a full erection, all the while keeping an eye on her to see if she was taking notes.
    Not only was she studying me, but she began to reach underneath her dress and play with her clit while she enjoyed the show.
    She buried her fingers into her tight pussy, and that’s when I motioned her to the floor next to me so I could get my first taste of another woman’s juices. I sucked her fingers dry, then grabbed the back of her head and told her to open her mouth.

    She joined me and took him in, gagging as he pushed the tip of his cock farther than any man had ever been. As he pulled out, we both clamped our lips around him, sliding back and forth, letting our tongues play together as we reached the end of his shaft. We tasted each other, and I heard mister softly moaning at the sight of us, together, sharing ourselves with another. Neither one of us could believe this was happening.

    She and I took turns sucking the juices off the end of his cock, and at the same time, she reached over and began finger fucking my sloppy wet cunt. I couldn’t concentrate. This experience was so surreal. Both of us being pleasured by another woman. It was mind blowing, and yet, I couldn’t get enough.

    I got up on my feet and squatted on her fingers so I could take them in deeply, and in no time, my orgasm came and I began dripping, my juices flowing through the gold links of the bracelet on her wrist.
    I was gasping for my breath and at the same time I saw mister’s eyes roll back as he neared his own explosion.

    I kissed her thankfully then we both began to jerk him off without missing a beat. We kneeled under him and I muttered,”Ready for you, daddy.”
    Sensing what I wanted, she grabbed my face and thrusted her tongue deep into my mouth. We locked lips and kept our hands on his cock, which was now ready to burst. He let out a moan, grabbed the nightstand for support, and exploded all over the side of our faces.

    The intensity was insane! We began to lap each other’s cheeks trying to catch every drop as he kept squirting us over and over and over. The taste was perfection, and the clean up was unforgettable.

    Mister collapsed onto the bed and watched us finish licking each other spotless before joining him in an entangled sweaty heap.
    After a few long, deep sighs of exhaustion, he mumbled, “The only photos I have, are forever etched in my mind, yet I wouldn’t change a thing. “

    Oh. My. Lord Me. It got about ten degrees hotter in my room while reading this…

    Reblogged from: conflictedyetcomfortable

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