1. Tomorrow, let’s just see how many people on Tumblr think they’re so fucking original and clever to make the tired “Wake-Up-Green-Day-Because-September-Has-Ended” joke. Seriously. If that’s all you’ve got, then shut your Tumblr down. 

    <drops mic>

  2. I love all of my children equally. I just like some of them more than the others. 

  3. pinkprincess17:

haha!

I know the words: &#8220;Held up like a loofah by the foreman of the night.&#8221;

    pinkprincess17:

    haha!

    I know the words: “Held up like a loofah by the foreman of the night.”

    Reblogged from: pinkprincess17
    1. Out of forty-seven traffic signals between home and work, I hit red lights on forty-six of them this morning. I wish I was making this up. Also, I sound like Rain Man.
    2. The end of the month is always busy around here. I shouldn’t even be posting this. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
    3. Does anybody watch “Wilfred”? I stream it on Netflix, so I’m a season behind. But I can’t get the image out of my head of Wilfred standing, ala John Cusack in “Say Anything”, with a boombox above his head, with nothing but sounds of dogs barking out of it. Effing brilliant.
    4. I need more football time on the weekends.
    5. I apparently walked around all morning with my zipper down. I’m not sure what’s worse—that it was down all morning, or that no one mentioned it to me. 
  4. I can&#8217;t even make another clever joke about this.
I hope sillylillynincompoop bought this for me!

    I can’t even make another clever joke about this.

    I hope sillylillynincompoop bought this for me!

  5. This is why I&#8217;m such a hit at parties. That, and the whole &#8220;water-into-wine&#8221; thing&#8230;

    This is why I’m such a hit at parties. That, and the whole “water-into-wine” thing…

    Reblogged from: missladyredd
    1. My fantasy football team name is rather offensive. I won’t even post it here, because I’ll drop more followers than Muhammad Ali drops quarters at a parking meter.
    2. When given the choice between answering emails and scrolling  through cats and boobies on Tumblr, Tumblr wins out every single time.
    3. I don’t have a television where I live.
    4. I’m the most unorganized control freak in the world. I have to have things done my way and in a particular order, but you’d never know it when you looked at my messy desk.
    5. So, thanks for all those questions that you all sent me yesterday when I asked. Oh, that’s right…I didn’t get any. Not a single one. But hey, at least I’m not bitter about it or anything. 
  6. I was tagged by love-secrets-whispers and rules are rules…

    The Rules:

    1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No

    2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks (and please feel free to ask) - and believe me, the temptation to explain some things will be overwhelming, nothing is exactly as it seems *Yes there are extenuating circumstances.
    Now here’s what you’re supposed to do… Re-blog or copy and paste, delete my answers, type in your answers.


    Been arrested? No
    Kissed someone you didn’t like? Yes
    Slept in until 5pm? Yes
    Ran a red light? Yes
    Been suspended from school? No
    Experienced love at first sight? Yes
    Totaled your car in an accident? Yes
    Been fired from a job? Yes
    Fired somebody? No
    Sang karaoke? Yes
    Pointed a gun at someone? No
    Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes
    Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
    Kissed in the rain? Yes
    Had a close brush with death? No
    Seen someone die? Yes
    Played spin-the-bottle? Yes
    Smoked a cigar? Yes
    Sat on a rooftop? Yes
    Smuggled something into another country? No
    Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes
    Broken a bone? Yes
    Eaten a bug? Yes
    Sleep walked? No
    Walked on a moonlit beach? No
    Rode a motorcycle? Yes
    Dumped someone? Yes
    Lied to avoid a ticket? Yes
    Ridden in a helicopter? No
    Shaved your head? Yes
    Made your boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes
    Eaten snake?  Yes
    Marched/protested? Yes
    Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Yes
    Puked on an amusement ride? No
    Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? Yes
    Been in a band? Yes
    Been on TV? Yes
    Shot a gun? Yes
    Skinny dipped? Yes
    Gave someone stitches? No
    Ridden a surfboard? No
    Drank straight from a liquor bottle? Yes
    Had surgery? Yes
    Streaked? Yes
    Taken by ambulance to hospital? No
    Passed out when not drinking? No
    Peed behind a bush? Yes
    Donated blood? Yes
    Grabbed electric fence? No
    Eaten alligator meat? Yes
    Killed an animal when not hunting? No
    Peed your pants in public? No
    Snuck into a movie without paying? Yes
    Written graffiti? Yes
    Still love someone you shouldn’t? Yes
    Been in handcuffs? Yes
    Believe in love? Yes
    Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes

    I’m going to do the universal tag. Anyone who wants to join in, feel free to do so. 

  7. I’m incredibly bored at work today. Bored, bored, bored. Did I mention I’m bored? 

    Anyone want to fill up my askhole with questions?

  8. Due to a miscalculation on my part regarding my laundry, Jeebus is going commando today. 

    The good? I like the feeling. A lot. 

    The bad? I’m constantly on edge that something is going to get caught when I have to zip up.

    The ugly? I had Popeye’s last night for dinner, and I’m suppressing the poop I need to take, in case it’s messy and I have to do a “ten-wiper” (you all know what I’m talking about).

    I guess I should have called this TMI Tuesday. But everything I’m saying is the truth. 

  9. You’re wonderful. Thank you for this. And congratulations are in order regarding young Fozzie. But I digress.

    1. My eyes. They’re a killer blue. No camera can do them justice. You just have to see them in person.
    2. I’m a giver.
    3. I’m extremely protective of the people I care for.
    4. My sense of humor. It runs the gamut from dark to dirty, from clean to dirty, from juvenile to wry.
    5. My junk. I don’t mean to be crude when I say that. I used to be very self-conscious of it. I’ve been told by a number of people that have seen it that it’s very good-looking. That’s quite flattering to me. 
  10. That depends. How much tongue is involved?

    I like tongue kissing. If I have to slip it to one of them, I’d choose the bear. For some reason I think she would be more receptive to a little French kiss action than the crocodile. Plus, really, there’s the whole jaw-snapping, tons-o’-teeth thing going on with the crocodile.

    Plus, if the bear starts to get mad, I can just play dead. Although who came up with that idea, anyway? Probably the bears. I can see that conversation: “Okay, here’s what we tell them. Play dead, cover yourself in honey, lay on a big plate and don’t run away from us…I mean…THE BEARS.” And really, now I have to rely on my acting skills? I don’t think the bear is going to appreciate the role of the dead guy if she’s hungry.

    I wouldn’t ever encounter a bear because I don’t go camping. If being outside is so great, how come all of the bugs are trying to get into my house? I have no desire to be covered in mosquitoes and have to crap standing up. You know why I never went camping as a kid? Because my parents loved me. And what the hell does “happy camper” mean, anyway? The happy camper is the one leaving the campsite and going home to take a real shower.  

    No, you’re the one getting off track here.

    What was the question again?

  11. I’m not able to watch the show until Wednesday night. This makes it hard not to fall victim to the “spoilers” between Tuesday and when I’m able to watch. It’s especially difficult with having a Tumblr and all.

    We have a group of five of us that meet in my office at work every Thursday morning to deconstruct the episode and talk about what’s going to happen next. We call it our own “church”. Anyone who’s seen an episode of the show knows what I’m talking about.

    I won’t spoil anything. I’m just glad “church” is back in session. On the show and in my office. 

  12. Jeebus is especially grouchy today. Just call me Baron Grumpy von Grouchenheimer.

    This is the kind of mood when I let the plagues and the pestilence out. So look out for falling locusts.

    I’m just sayin’. 

  13. I’m doubly flattered when I get a second message saying I’m a favorite. I’ve sent this to 10 followers already, but I’m happy to try to find five more nice things to say about myself:

    • I consider myself extremely courteous. A simple “thank you” or “I’m sorry” to someone goes a long way. 
    • I write rather well. 
    • I’m very down-to-earth and easy to talk with. 
    • I think I’m a good boss to my employees.
    • I have an excellent long(er)-term memory. I can remember many details about what someone tells me.
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