Verily, I say unto thee, follow my fuckin' blog, lest a plague of frogs rain down upon thy head. Custom cabinets may take longer.
- Reach me /
- Confession is good for the soul. And for my entertainment /
- Send me pictures of thy titties, and or anything else. But mostly thy titties. /
- RSS /
One of my pet peeves is when I do something that’s already one of my other pet peeves.
Here are my five favorite jokes about Me, in reverse order—because I’m Jeebus, and I can:
5. What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
4. Why do girls love Jesus so much? Because they know He’ll come again.
3. Why does Jesus suck at hockey? He’s constantly getting nailed to the boards.
2. Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
1. Jesus was up on the cross, and a crowd was watching, including his disciples. Suddenly, Jesus yells out, “Peter! PETER!” Peter tries to break through the ranks of the guards, but is held back. This happens a few more times, with Peter being held back each time. Finally, as death is near, Jesus yells out one more time, “PETER! PETER!” This time Peter breaks through the guards and runs up to the cross. “My Lord, it is I, Peter.” Jesus says, “Peter!” “Yes, Lord?” Peter replies. Jesus says, “Peter! Peter! I can see your house from up here!”
You’re all probably going to Hell now for reading these. I was going to post these next Friday, but I thought that might be a bit blasphemous.
Would someone teach me the fine art of Ninja-Camming?
Over the last few days, I have been witness to: a gargantuan-sized bronze pig in the back of a pickup truck; an extremely hot woman picking her nose in public (I’m talking like two knuckles deep); and a man shaving his head while driving.
How do you do it?
I can’t believe we can go to college online and have virtual sex with strangers halfway across the world and yet there are still people that smell like moth balls.
A sage piece of wisdom, if I do say so myself. And I do.
I don’t have too much on my “bucket list”. That’s not because I’ve done all kinds of things and I’m running out of items to put on there. I just don’t have a lot of things I feel I HAVE to do before I die.
However, one of those things on my bucket list is to see KISS live in concert. I’m not a diehard fan, but I enjoy their music, and I hear the theatrics are incredible. Everyone, including me, is getting older, so I’d like to see them before they all have to come onstage in walkers and wheelchairs.
I found out that they’re going to be playing a venue near where I live. I got hugely excited, promising myself I was going to go this time. They’re not going to be here until August, but tickets are starting to sell out quickly. I started contacting the few people I know who would be up for going, so I could get the tickets.
As it stands, no one either can go, or wants to go, with me to the concert. I feel like I have no friends. So i’m left with the options of going alone or not going at all. Guess I won’t be seeing KISS in concert yet again.
I just want to go to the fucking concert. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I’d try the whole Friday Five things with GIFs that reflect my personality. We’ll see how this goes:
- That’s me. I’ve always had a poor self-image and nearly non-existent feelings of self-worth. I’m really working hard to change this, though.
- This isn’t one of those “friendzone” type of complaints. It just seems to me that I’m easy to pass over when it comes to relationships.
- 'Nuff said here. Don't worry—I'm not a serial killer like old Dexter here. But it helps me knowing that others are going through similar things that I am.
- This is also me to a “T”. I form an emotional bond with the people I like very quickly. Some might say too quickly.
- Dwight says it better than I could ever say it.
I realize how depressing this looks. I’m not a complete Debbie Downer, though [INSERT SAD TROMBONE MUSIC HERE]. I promise. This is a more realistic view of who I am. Don’t worry. The “I Love Boobies”-type of GIFs will come in other posts.
Taj: “You wanna, wanna come in and sing some blues?” Navin: “No thanks Taj. There’s something about those songs. They depress me.”
Jeebus has got nothing but blues playing on His iPod today. Don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
And if you know the pop culture reference in that quote above, we could
possibly definitely be BFFs.